At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
