Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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