sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
