Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
