I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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