That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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