your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How does one acquire holy water?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
