It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
