He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
