Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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