When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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