i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its liver damage thursday
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