Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
