Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
