i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
