So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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