now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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