Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
