You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
