Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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