Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
