she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
