their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
