I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
