Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
