Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
