Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
