Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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