to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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