Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
