Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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