i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Acid is not a monday night drug
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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