Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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