my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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