are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
