I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
