i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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