Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
