I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
