It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
