who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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