Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
