You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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