Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
