his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
