Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
