Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
