It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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