I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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