R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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