So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
