Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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