I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
