Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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