before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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