oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
