don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
