Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Life is so much better after having sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
