super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
