so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
