idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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