Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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