Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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