How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize