lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
