Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
