Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
