And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
there is puke in my bra ... again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
