I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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